weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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