he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
