I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
