I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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