I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
