Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
