Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
