I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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