If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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