you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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