I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
