We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
