Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
