i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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