I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I got her a Nickelback box set.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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