direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize