the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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