hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize