you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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