So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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