i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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