i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize