I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
