I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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