I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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