brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
