I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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