Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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