Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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