Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
