my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
