Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
