Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
