It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
