After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Farmville is her only friend.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
