my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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