I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
