I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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