sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
