he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
