dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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