Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
