walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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