is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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