I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
