Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
