I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My life is pants optional.
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