when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
