Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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