Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i believe in u and ur pee
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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