Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
