The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
