I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
