It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
