My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is the high leading the old right now
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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