Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
