I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I will die if light touches me.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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