suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
