no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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