anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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