did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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