i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
