I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
