where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
