Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
