I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
